The most important pillars of attachment parenting

The most important pillars of attachment parenting
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Intimate parenting is a model of parenting based on building a bond between parents and child, from the first moments of a newborn’s life. How does it look like in practice?

Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy developed by William Sears, a paediatrician from the USA. Parenting based on attachment parenting consists in building a strong emotional bond with the child and accompanying it from the first moments of life. The idea of such upbringing is based on attachment theory in developmental psychology. This theory states that the emotional bond connecting the child with its caregiver influences its future life. It determines not only how he or she will handle relationships as an adult, but can affect his or her mental health.

How do we understand the idea of proximity parenting?

Intimate parenting is not a “stress-free parenting method.” In this model of parenting it is about setting safe limits for the child, patience and understanding. A very important aspect is also tenderness – understood as closeness, but also as vigilance. The parent should be sensitive to the signals the child sends him and react to them accordingly. The RB method is also based on 7 main pillars which support the creation of bonds.

The Pillars of Intimacy Parenting

The pillars of intimacy parenting are the absolute basics that allow for the creation of a bond between parents and child. Their implementation ensures mutual understanding. The parent and child must find their own ways of communication. However, the pillars will make it easier for each party.

  • Birth – it is important to be close to the child from the beginning

Physical and emotional closeness between parents and newborn are crucial. It is therefore important to have the opportunity to communicate with the child immediately after birth. If there are no medical contraindications parents and their baby should have space to spend with each other. Skin-to-skin contact and first attempts at breastfeeding are recommended.

  • Breastfeeding your baby

Natural breastfeeding is mutually beneficial for the newborn and the mother. There is no better food for a baby than breast milk. The milk contains valuable vitamins and minerals as well as stem cells. Natural feeding influences the immunity of the toddler. It also helps create a bond between baby and mom.

  • Carrying

Carried, cuddled, surrounded by the warmth of the parent’s body, the child calms down faster. The child accustomed to a friendly environment in mother’s belly feels best in similar conditions also outside it. That is why carrying, rocking and cuddling a newborn is so important. It provides him with a sense of security and comfort

  • Sleeping close to the baby

Sleeping near does not necessarily mean sleeping together in the same bed. This decision must be an individual choice of the parents. However, the baby should sleep in the same room. This provides him with a sense of security and closeness with his parents. A shared bedroom also reduces the risk of crib death.

  • Crying as a means of communication

Crying is a young child’s only form of communication. Crying is therefore a signal to which the parent should respond without fail. The idea of proximity parenting assumes that crying is not an extortion, but a message. Every time the parent reacts to the baby’s signals, they provide the baby with a sense of security. The parent, in turn, learns faster to understand what the child wants to communicate.

  • Abandoning rigid rules and principles

Close parenting negates cold parenting and “cry it out” style techniques. According to this method of parenting, children who do not receive sufficient attention, closeness and warmth will have difficulty forming relationships in the future, and will be distrustful and fearful.

  • Family balance

For the health and balance of all family members – after the birth of a baby, each member of the household must have their own space, attention and peace. The first days of a newborn’s life are demanding and absorbing. However, other family members should not be neglected due to fatigue. Make sure that everyone feels cared for and loved.

Raising a child is only easy in theory. It is impossible to theorize about it because every situation, every parent and every child is different. Everyone needs to develop their own methods and techniques that will work in their lives and be mutually beneficial.

Main photo: Ante Hamersmit/

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