How to deal with longing after a breakup?
A breakup brings suffering that makes it difficult to function normally. We keep coming back to the way things were and agonize over trying to understand why things ended.
When a loved one leaves, the dopamine and oxytocin that the body produces in the early stages of a relationship are replaced by stress hormones. These in turn affect the immune, digestive, and cardiovascular systems, and the brain treats the psychological pain of a breakup on par with the physical. Don’t ignore it and see how to deal with it.
Learn to let go. This chapter is closed and there is no going back, and the sooner you realize this, the easier it will be to move on. When you start getting questions like: How? Why? How do I fix it? – say to yourself, “It doesn’t matter. And do this every time you catch yourself analyzing the whole thing.
To stop the monotonous flow of thoughts about your ex-partner, occupy your head with something else, plan something, focus on a task at work, find a hobby that will addict you and effectively distract you from analyzing the past.
Don’t blame yourself
A famous aphorism says to start change with yourself. However, in this case it is not a good solution. So don’t look for the problem in yourself and don’t blame yourself. Did your relationship end because you and your partner weren’t right for each other? It doesn’t mean that you have to change everything about yourself. No one is perfect, which doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness and love. However, understand that you must first love yourself and accept how you are.
Focus on the good
Don’t let negative emotions cloud your opportunities and positives – a successful career, loving family and friends, material stability, good health, etc. Focusing on what you have, not what you don’t have, is very important – it will help relieve stress and get you through difficult times. Therefore, every day write down what you are grateful for, what good things have happened to you and what you have achieved.
Thinking about the positive will not diminish your sadness, but it will balance out the negative feelings.
Write down your thoughts and feelings
If you’ve tried all the ways to switch your thoughts to something positive, but you keep coming back to obsessive questions, you may need to write a letter that you never send to anyone. Do you have a specific question that is nagging and harassing you? If so, sit down and write it down in a notebook or on a separate sheet of paper. Sometimes putting your thoughts on paper is extremely effective. It is as if you are lifting a weight off your soul and head.
Give yourself time
Don’t try to deal with pain in a few days. Your body and mind need time to recover. Take care of yourself, your health and your mental comfort. Eat healthy, exercise and meditate, but also allow yourself to be weak. On particularly emotional days, don’t be ashamed of tears and sadness, but when you feel better again, do something pleasant for yourself. Step by step, get used to the new reality and rhythm of the day. Organize your time, but don’t do anything by force.
Learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationship.
Making time for yourself is one of the most healing activities in the world. “Dating” yourself strengthens your resolve to fight for yourself. During such a date, turn off your phone, computer and all other distractions. If you have children, wait until they are asleep or get up earlier while they are still sleeping
Find time during the day just for yourself – read your favorite book, go to the spa, eat at your favorite restaurant. Just make yourself happy and reward yourself for working internally, not occasionally, but regularly.
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